My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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