Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
