My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
