im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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