my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
