Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
