Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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