I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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