I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
