Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
