Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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