hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
