So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
