you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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