i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
