I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
