Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
