People in love make me want to vomit
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
