Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
