You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
