I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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