So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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