Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
