It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
