So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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