Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
