I wanna bring you to show and tell
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dick has a subreddit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize