I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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