So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
