y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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