if you like me you must not know who I am
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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