her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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