you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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