it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
