Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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