I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
