I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
