areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
