I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
