I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
