so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
