Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
