your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
