Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
