Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
