even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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