Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
