Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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