Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
