i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
