i love accidental penises.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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