apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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