"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
