I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
