New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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