Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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