Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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