i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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