You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
