people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
