Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
