if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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