Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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