never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
