I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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