Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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