Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
