I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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