I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
