and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
