he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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