i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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