his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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