They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
