i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
