He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
COCAINE IS GR8
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
